Received the outcome of my Autism Spectrum Assessments finally on 8 January. Confirmed as Autism Spectrum Disorder - Asperger Syndrome.
A lot to take in, a lot of confusing thoughts about it and intense anger at being misdiagnosed and having been on 25 medications, 13 Sections and recommended for a CTO, depot, clozapine and Supported Accommodation.
Carrying around my handy blue AUTISM ALERT card and starting post diagnostic support. Too much more to go in now, but this is weird. To understand I was born with brain differences and can no longer read about autism in the abstract, but in the personal sense. Feeling very much more alone from other people, that even with help I will always be different because I have to learn how to 'be social' and 'interact appropriately' and 'react normally'.
There have been more meltdowns, more ripping of hair and banging of head. I feel distant from The Boyfriend who is trying very hard to cope with me. I want to retreat further into this bubble, stay in a warm nest of an Avengers duvet with my Kindle and Big Bang DVDs. Yet work have extended my contract for another 6 months so perhaps I'm not as fucked up as I believe. It's all internal, after all.
I can't explain better what this feels like beyond that I want to stay in my world and really don't want to tread further into other people's. But I know I need to and I suppose long-term, it would be healthy.
