Scratch It

The brain is terribly itchy tonight. I feel pressure. I am 30 and baby talk is on the cards. I love kids, want kids, but I want to grow more before I sacrifice so much alone time and be ready to pass on wisdom and provide kids with security. 

My brain tells me that to succeed in writing I have to not sleep and carry on. This will make me feel dreadful by 6am. The Boyfriend holds me and massages my head. I chatter of my theories. I browse Amazon, Etsy and Firebox for the perfect presents for upcoming birthdays. I worry about an upcoming job interview. 

I fret about my worsening headaches. I fret about my recently bereaved mother. I fret about my wish-career. I fret that I appear to have no friends I see regularly. I fret about caffeine, carbohydrates, cigarettes. I fret I am just Bridget Jones.

I breathe. This is just a rough night. This is, strangely, normal and therefore not really a problem. Just my life as it stands and I have to work hard to reign in the itchiness. 

I watch Big Bang, I take the diazepam, and try not to have an original thought.