Squishy Pages

A smushing of short stories is now a complete collection. Break out the glitter and Jaffa Cakes.

Yeah, an unpublished collection, but it's mine, it's gross and it's dark. And funny in a way that a really noxious fart makes you laugh and retch at the same time. I've spent a long time hunched over this laptop or scribbling in B&M notebooks and then carving it up with red ink until it's taken a nice twisted shape, like a cherry blossom tree subjected to bindweed. 

Side note: 

I've long-since discovered that chain coffee shops are not the place for writing and plotting. For a start, who has a spare £4 for a bitter creamy frappemoccaccinolatte when fun writing takes hours and a bitter creamy frappemoccaccinolatte takes about fifteen minutes to drink? 

And, also, these shops are choked with office workers, hipster students and yummy mummies so it's not the best place to slam your fist down on the table and shout:

'Of course! Eric and Lauren didn't know they were brother and sister until after their first child was born!'




I mean, you could. But who has the time to explain?

And if you did, most people don't like discussing incest plot twists over blueberry muffins.

Glad I'm not most people.




So, a preview of story gunge to come:

• A small South Bank pawn shop that focuses their business on human organs

• A woman getting over a particularly sickening break-up bumps into one of her students at the GUM Clinic

• A palliative care nurse is spending the last hour of her shift concentrating more on her patient's earrings than her patient

• A man frozen in a coma from catching snowflakes on his tongue

• A psychiatric registrar doing a rotation with a maverick consultant in behavioural therapy

• A man addicted to A&E

• A couple who find that their newborn gives them a new taste for life

• An artistic mother intent on fashioning a famous life for her perfect daughter

• A teenage boy at his girlfriend's wake who is more distracted by his erection than by mourning relatives

And more!

Now, time to edit, edit, edit. And drag a worthy synopsis together. And find an agent or publisher. And maybe have a blueberry muffin, because now I'm sort of hungry. 

Barista! Fetch cake! And a maroon gel pen!