Another Label, Another Med

This has been a couple of gruelling weeks.

I saw my shrink who decided that whilst I was waiting to see if I'd be assessed for autism, she would diagnose Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder due to my ritualistic behaviour. 

Are shrinks on commission if they 'find' a new diagnosis? 

She prescribed agomelatine (initially she wanted me back on an antipsychotic just for sleep, but I said no way. The side effects aren't worth it) for sleep and to calm the 'OCD' tendencies. For a couple of days, I slept better. Then on day 4, I became very hyper and by day 5 was running and dancing around a supermarket. By the evening, I felt restless and aggressive. The Boyfriend held out his palms for me to punch to get the aggression out, but the only thought in my head was that I wanted to beat the shit out of him. This was extremely distressing as I love him very much; I think it was because he was the only other person in the room. So, I stopped taking it and after a few days calmed down.

I saw my GP today who said my shrink should stop throwing medications at me as they rarely agree with me and if it is autism, it can't be drug-treated.

So, tired and nervy. Moving soon and the packing is nearly done. Letting agents did a viewing while I was out and when they left, didn't double-lock the door or set the alarm. Cue anxiety. 

The Days Are Long

I really need a job. The lack of routine is crucifing my sleep cycle and I have so little motivation that I buy desired books and then have no interest in reading them. And I'm the proverbial bookworm. 

People viewing the flat is unsettling me and reminds me of all the change that is coming. Part of the day I feel low, but I know it can't be depression as I know I'lI perk up when I hear about my referral/job applications/get the keys for new place.

Just bouncing through days of nothing interspersed with boxsets.

There is no point to this post. I just hate change and lack of routine and it's making me jumpy.

True Gent

Well, today I opened a large box from the US from Chuck Palahniuk's agent's offices. I was stunned. Alongside a personal letter were all sorts of lovely gifts, including a necklace made by him of stones he's found and also stones recycled from his mother's jewellery. 

Amongst a box of Ouija mints and bacon strip plasters, was a black skull money bank that he suggested I put ideas in, like he does. A very creative use for a money bank and you can just shake out scraps of ideas when you're stuck. Inspired! 

Thank you, Chuck. You didn't have to do this, but you did. You gent.

Five Months In

1 October 2014

A consultant raises the possibility that my mental health issues may in fact be undiagnosed Asperger's. Recommendation to be tested.

28 October 2014

Neurological/Cognitive testing strongly indicates autism spectrum disorder. 

15 December 2014

GP makes a request for funding for diagnostic assessment. 

22 January 2015

GP asked to do a short AQ-10 with me. Score = 9/10. 6+ needed for diagnostic consideration. 

02 March 2015

GP completes more detailed referral form sent by testing centre to secure funding. Apparently I lack social imagination i.e. all my stories are loosely wrapped things I see (characters wear or have the same possessions as me) and even though I've known this city for 11+ years I can rarely think of anything to go or do that isn't outside my routine of going to the same supermarket everyday. Unless someone says 'Cinema' or 'Bookshop'. And why I can copy a detailed comic book page almost flawlessly, but can't draw from imagination. And here I thought I was creative. 

This seems a very long road, but if it clears up the uncertainty of how I see the world, gives me ideas to avoid obsession/rituals/meltdowns, and wipes off BPD, bipolar, and schizophrenia from my file, it's worth it. 

Please Block NHS Choices From My Phone

Having a cold at 20:

"Ahh, I'll take some Beechams, maybe chill for a day, but I'll just carry on. Isn't my red nose funny? What's a smartphone?"

Having a cold at 30:

"I'm dying. I'm going to sneeze/vomit my brains up. I have a brain tumour/Addison's/fetus/MS/some sort of blood parasite. WebMD told me."

#NotHypochondriajustGoogleeducated

A Problem Must Always Be Solved

Part of what comes along in the aspie way, is a very strong need to solve any problem that presents itself. Immediately. For example, if I remember I have a book I'd like to skim through for something and can't find it immediately, I will spend around two hours tearing through my flat to find it. The Boyfriend needed sweatpants the other day to chill in and even once he'd put on jeans, I couldn't settle until I'd located said sweatpants, even though he wouldn't be wearing them.

So I have this obsessive/compulsive streak. This proved to have disastrous consequences last night.

Twelve years ago I had my eyebrow pierced and happily, it never grew out. Eighteen months ago I had it taken out by a piercist (I was having a MRI scan soon) who said as I'd had the piercing that long I could easily go three months before it started to close up.

Since then, I've had my piercing in and out, but this time it was out for around six weeks. I tried for ages to get the bar through and wound up giving myself a NEW piercing. I basically forced this tiny bit of metal through my own head, all because I've 're-pierced' before and refused to stop until the job was done. Or it goes wrong and can't be done. 

So, old piercing more or less healed, but aggravated, and an angry new divet in my head. I look like Pinhead.

Luckily the nice people at Holier Than Thou gave me good advice and now have to use healing oils on my perforated eyebrow and then get the original piercing re-done when it's better. All because I have the compulsive need to complete tasks.

And yes, it hurts.

A Surprise In The Inbox

I wrote this email, not expecting a response:


Friday 20 February 2015

"Dear Mr [Chuck Palahniuk's agent],

I hope this email finds you well.

I apologise for writing with a 'fangirl' question, but I wondered if you may be able to answer this for me.

I have read that Chuck Palahniuk prefers to sign prosthetic limbs rather than his fans as people were then getting the signature tattooed. I also read that a possible reason for this is the worry of Sharpie ink entering the skin. I know someone who has a signed letter from Chuck. Would he still discourage his signature from that as a tattoo for them?

Also, I've been a fan of Chuck Palahniuk since I was a teenager and am now 30 and still follow his work. Seeing him read in the UK at the International Anthony Burgess Foundation (and listening to him read 'Romance') was possibly the highlight of my year. I'm looking forward to 'Make Something Up'.

With best wishes, 

SK Harrison"


Sunday 22 February 2015

"Dear Ms. Harrison,

Can you let us have your mailing address as Mr. Palahniuk would like to send you a gift.

Thank you.

[Chuck Palahniuk's agent]"

Wahooo!!!!